March Matron

The best part of the American Taliban circus was an energetic humorist in Twitterland who started a satire account Next to Kim Davis as Kim's hapless coworker. 

KIM, DID GOD ORDER YOU NOT TO REFILL THE XEROX TRAY, TOO? SOME OF US ARE TRYING TO GO HOME TO OUR FIRST HUSBAND 

‏- @NextToKimDavis 

@nexttokimdavis‪ Your a lazy woman who don't give a crap about society. Just want a chill job?? 

- Patricia Sullivan @Texas2Love 

AND YOU DONT UNDERSTAND JOKES OR "YOU'RE" 

‏- @NextToKimDavis 

You do realize this is a satire account, not the actual account of the woman in that photo, yes? 

- @Katherinelorna

While Kim sat her butt in jail for contempt of court, her attorney, Mat Staver . . .  

former Seventh-Day Adventist pastor, 

founder of the legal group Liberty Counsel, 

author of Same-Sex Marriage: Putting Every Household at Risk,

happily discussed the vast and unequaled miscarriage of justice.

@nexttokimdavis‪ how do you even get any work done there? Just about as much work as your boss? 

- @SBUX75DEVILDOG

Tough to work when ‪#KimDavis ‪@libertycounsel lawyers are stealing ALL THE STAPLES 

‏- @NextToKimDavis  

#kimdavis‪' @libertycounsel lawyers just piled ALL THE PRINTER PAPER INTO THEIR TRUNK. WTF? 

‏- @NextToKimDavis 

We all agreed that if #KimDavis falls in love and wants to marry her cell mate, we'll let her, but we're going to be dicks about it. 

‏- @NextToKimDavis 

I'm willing to marry an ‪@OtterPops to a Twinkie. As long as ‪#KimDavis is gone, there's no rules. 

‏- @NextToKimDavis

Kim, initially a Democrat, decided to find a home with the political party of minimal tolerance.

Fun fact - ‪#KimDavis is a Democrat 

- @AlbertsonB2 

Kim Davis becoming a Republican dealing a huge blow to the intolerant homophobic religious fundamentalists wing of the Democratic Party. 

- @MichaelIanBlack 

Another fun fact - ‪#KimmDavis ATE MY OREOS. 

‏- @NextToKimDavis

Illegals get amnesty. Muslims invaders get asylum. Cross dressers get "courage" awards. Christians get jail time. 

- CDM@RWSurferGirl 

AND MY OREOS. YOU KEEP FORGETTING THAT SHES AN OREO THIEF.‏ 

- @NextToKimDavis

So I guess can add ‪#ClerkingWhileChristian to the list of crimes like ‪#DrivingWhileBlack now, huh progressives? Proud? 

- Annie@bloodless_coup

You mean ‪#NOTClerkingWhileChristian. Also ‪#StealingOreos 

‏- @NextToKimDavis

This Tuesday, about 5k people said, "#IStandWithKimDavis." We've got nearly 100K who say, "#GoddamnItKim, those are MY OREOS!" 

‏- @NextToKimDavis

Next to Kim Davis, in addition to noting Oreo theft, also became concerned when the overwhelming crush of media, protests, counter-protests, politicians, and lookie-loos consumed all Diet Mt Dew in the area.

Things we learned in the office this week #1 STAY OUT OF THE BACKGROUND SO NO ONE MAKES TWITTERS ABOUT YOU 

‏- @NextToKimDavis

Formerly next to Kim Davis Retweeted Ron Sarver 

They had access to their own?! GODDAMN IT @libertycounsel JUST GET SOME QUARTERS 

‏- @NextToKimDavis

A pizza party and Diet Mt Dew fund was set up (seriously) and when donations started rolling in, Next to Kim Davis sent additional funds to @FairnessComp (a Kentucky LGBT rights organization).

WHY IS THE WEATHER CHANNEL HERE AND THERE'S NO PARKING AT @DunkinDonuts 

‏- @NextToKimDavis 

Be back in a bit. Todd made license plates that say "DADDYBEAR" AND We're putting them on the ‪@FoxNews van LOLOLOLOL 

‏- @NextToKimDavis

Conservative politicians flocked to Kentucky to make some evangelistic hay before the presidential election.  

@BobbyJindal just said that #KimDavis is the most discriminated person in America! 

‏- @NextToKimDavis 

@BobbyJindal - here is a list of jobs that Christians aren't allowed to have: 1: JOBS THEY WON'T DO #CNNDebate 

‏- @NextToKimDavis

Mike Huckabee and ‪Ted Cruz competed to become the head bigot . . . 

resulting in a humiliating expulsion of Cruz from victorious release from jail rally.  

(Spoiler - it works out much better for Cruz than Huckabee.)

(Schools were closed for the Huckabee rally.)

With schools called off, @GovMikeHuckabee, @tedcruz , and #KimDavis are literally making people dumber. 

‏- @NextToKimDavis

With the benefit of many legal minds, Kim Davis was released from jail and given permission to not do her job while things were sorted out. She was allocated a "darkened pout cave" to dwell in during work hours.  

HOW DO I GET TWITTER OFF MY WORK COMPUTER BEFORE #KimDavis GETS BACK?!?  

‏- @NextToKimDavis

Todd says that if #KimDavis comes out and sees her shadow, it's six more weeks of BULLSHIT. 

‏- @NextToKimDavis 

Why is everyone mad at Kim Davis? Nobody in the government does their job. 

- @TheMichaelRock

A few additional bits about the Kim Davis ridiculousness . . .

Six months before the circus, Kim Davis accidentally issued a marriage license to a transgender couple. 

Mike Huckabee, after successfully blocking Cruz from any photo opportunities, triumphantly escorted Kim out of prison to Eye of the Tiger by Survivor.   

Having fun today. Every time someone comes out of the bathroom, Todd plays Eye of the Tiger and we all cheer like crazy.  

- @nexttokimdavis  

Survivor sued Mike Huckabee for copyright infringement. 

Huckabee settled with Survivor for $25,000 and allocated the funds as a campaign expense.  

He was taken to court for campaign finance violations where he attempted to argue that his Eye of the Tiger rally was really a religious assembly and therefore could play Survivor's song under fair use. 

The court concluded that Huckabee had to refund his campaign with personal funds.  

Kim chronicles her dramatic encounters with furious, fist-pounding, homosexual men and the hate mail that flooded her office. 

Proceeds will go to the Liberty Counsel and not to Kentucky taxpayers, who owe $225,000 in legal fees to couples who sued for refusing to issue them marriage licenses.