Tuesday, April 24, 2018

Biped versus Quadruped

Oscar, the best bernese mountain dog ever.  3.30.2018 Biped versus Quadruped. marchmatron.com
A brief update on my inability to walk down the stairs but primarily a discussion of my enormous dog's skill at inconvenience.
Trimalleolar fracture x-ray. Biped versus Quadruped. marchmatron.com

One year ago, a flight of stairs became the victor over my bipedal ability.
In case of fire sign on the ground floor with note battles. Biped versus Quadruped. marchmatron.com
After falling down the entire length, and being fairly sure my ankle should not be facing backward,
Emergency! (1972–1979) with Paramedic John Gage and Paramedic Roy DeSoto. Captions by screencaps51.tumblr.com/page/32
Emergency! (1972–1979)
featuring Paramedic John Gage and Paramedic Roy DeSoto.
Captions and other great stuff at 
Screencaps

leading to a discussion with the nice paramedics that nope I was absolutely not going to the closest hospital (because I've worked with people discharged from that hospital) 
Emergency! (1972–1979) with Paramedic John Gage and Paramedic Roy DeSoto. Captions by screencaps51.tumblr.com/page/32
and nope I was not going to the most "well know" orthopedic group (because I've worked with people who were unfortunate enough to go to that orthopedic group)
Emergency! (1972–1979) with Paramedic John Gage and Paramedic Roy DeSoto. Captions by screencaps51.tumblr.com/page/32
and no the greater distance to an ER won't make a damn bit of difference per insurance payment because my insurance does not consider ambulance services as an in-network service.
The Muppet Show Breaking News. Taxis and ambulances are not the same thing. Biped versus Quadruped. marchmatron.com
Seriously. It does not . . . 
and that is coverage as an employee of the insurance company.
Orthopedic surgery. more violent than you would think. Biped versus Quadruped
So surgery number four.
Cast painted as One Eyed Purple People Eater with feathers. Biped versus Quadruped. marchmatron.com
But this time around I get an awesome neon cast and have returned to my smallish office-style rolly-chair for any and all in-house mobility.  
The Amazing Adventure of Broken Leg Guy
This, however, is not my immediate problem.
Treat Please! Oscar, after protecting me from imaginary harm. Biped versus Quadruped. marchmatron.com
Oscar, in his svelte and ever so nibble 190ish pounds, believes his primary job is to follow me around and then monitor all activities from a resting position . . . 
1 Bernese Mountain Dogs personal space level none and cuddle level expert. Biped versus Quadruped
which makes it impossible for the smallish office-style rolly-chair to maneuver around him.
Bernese mountain dog resting on the floor. What they do best. Biped versus Quadruped. marchmatron.com
Being an older dog, his strategy is to ignore the incoming movements from the smallish office-style rolly-chair . . . 
Bernese Mountain Dog attempting to follow a conversation. Biped versus Quadruped.

and relents only when in danger of actual harm.
Berner puppies. Big paws and always happy. Biped versus Quadruped
But instead of actually getting up, he has become adept at a seal-type move . . . 
Bernese Mountain Dog making a goofy face while on his back. Biped versus Quadruped
and will roll or use limbs as oars propelling a minimal portion of himself out of the way.

1 Adorable Berner puppies grow up to be adorable Berner dogs. Biped versus Quadruped
Then again, for whatever reason, he has recently decided the bone-shaped treats . . .
Dog just looking at the treats. Biped versus Quadruped. marchmatron.com
the same treats he has been getting since he was a puppy,
Great Dane finds the treats . . . on top of the fridge.  Biped versus Quadruped. marchmatron.com
may now, just possibly, be a squeaky toy.
Little dog knows nothing about sprinkle covered donuts. Biped versus Quadruped. marchmatron.com
So before he eats them, he puts them on the floor and pushes them with his nose a few times to verify they don't make noise.
Dog can't get his bad. Biped versus Quadruped. marchmatron.com
He may not have the most adept canine mind,
Leash around bottle of water. Dog doesn't move but looks pissed. Biped versus Quadruped
but smallish office-style rolly-chair mobility or not,
Leash around bottle of water. Dog doesn't move but looks pissed. Biped versus Quadruped
both dog domestication and adequate surgery skills are some of the best in human development.
We don't deserve dogs. Biped versus Quadruped


#Dog #Berner #HealthCare



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