Wednesday, September 9, 2015

Moving Violation

Listening to my daughter studying out loud for her learning permit written test:
What is aggressive driving? 

Um . . . Mom's driving. 

Probably not the correct DMV answer but Fair enough . . . patience and I have long ago parted company.  

I've noticed an evolution in driving preparation from my drivers ed class to my daughter's the result being less emphasis on education and preparation. Either that, or I am becoming increasingly crabby and disillusioned which hardly seems feasible.

We had simulators (car-type stations collecting information about steering, breaking, gas pedal use, turning signals, etc.) They were resplendent in circa 1950's details and data was based on maneuvers and response time to a film protected on the far wall.

When my oldest took drivers ed through high school, they had done away with simulators, the irony being building and wiring a classroom of partial cars was considered financially viable in the past while accessing a wii type program at a fraction of the cost was not a budgetary option.

After moving to another state, my middle kid was able to take a drivers ed class through high school but only because she went to a private school and paid a substantial fee.

Where we live now, there is no option for my youngest to take a drivers ed course, private or otherwise. She takes a written test for a learners and then practices driving with an adult for so many hours under so many conditions, hours and conditions verified by the adult saying, "Yep, that's what happened." 

Well there is no way that plan could go wrong proving once again that the state I live in has the planning abilities and resource allocation substandard to that of Greece.

In Des Moines, Iowa:

After refusing to pay a decade of traffic tickets, the driver forged a letter from her mother declaring that the driver had died. She also took out a fake obituary. It worked for about a month when she was pulled over again and subsequently jailed.

Q: Who has the right of way when four cars approach a four-way stop at the same time?
A: The pick up truck with the gun rack and the bumper sticker saying, "Guns don't kill people. I do."

Q&A from California Department of Transportation's Traffic School for moving violation offenders.

In Geelong, Australia:

A serial speeder was recorded on traffic cams exceeding the traffic limit 20 times in 13 years. The day he received the mailed ticket he reported that his car had been stolen but by the 21st report he lost credibility with the traffic judge. 

Q: What changes would occur in your lifestyle if you could no longer drive lawfully?
A: I would be forced to drive unlawfully.

Q&A from California Department of Transportation's Traffic School for moving violation offenders.

In San Diego, California:

A physicist was issues a ticket for failure to stop at a stop sign. He responded with a four-page physical paper titled Proof of Innocence. 

The abstract: 

We show that if a car stops at a stop sign, an observer, e.g., a police officer, located at a certain distance perpendicular to the car trajectory, must have an illusion that the car does not stop, if the following three conditions are satisfied: (1) the observer measures not the linear but angular speed of the car; (2) the car decelerates and subsequently accelerates relatively fast; and (3) there is a short-time obstruction of the observer’s view of the car by an external object, e.g., another car, at the moment when both cars are near the stop sign. 

Q: How do you deal with heavy traffic?
A: Heavy psychedelics.

Q&A from California Department of Transportation's Traffic School for moving violation offenders.

In Plymouth, England:

The owner of a 14 year old Honda Civic was ticketed for driving 98 MPH in a 70 MPH zone, a citation with a £1,000 fine and a six month driving ban. 

Unfortunately he had sold the car but to prove his case he bought back the car for £600 and paid another £600 to have the car speed tested. The Honda topped out at 85 MPH and the ticket was dismissed. 

Q: Why would it be difficult to be a police officer?
A: It would hard to be a dickhead all day long.

Q&A from California Department of Transportation's Traffic School for moving violation offenders.

In Melbourne, Australia:

A business man parked his car in a metered space. He walked to the trunk where he kept his money in his briefcase but by the time he took out his cash, he was given a ticket.

A portion of his response to traffic court:
"I accept full responsibility for not getting from my car to the ticket machine in time. The 30-40 seconds I let lapse between parking and finding my $8.00 was clearly my fault ... In the interim, I will commence winding down my window as I pull in and throwing my coins at the ticket machine in the hope that some find their way into the coin slot."

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