All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them.
It goes without saying that you should never have more children than you have car windows.
I have seen my kid struggle into the kitchen in the morning with outfits that need only one accessory: an empty gin bottle.
I remember buying a set of black plastic dishes once, after I saw an ad on television where they actually put a blowtorch to them and they emerged unscathed. Exactly one week after I bought them, one of the kids brought a dinner plate to me with a large crack in it. When I asked what happened to it, he said it hit a tree. I don’t want to talk about it.
In general my children refuse to eat anything that hasn't danced on television.
Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.
I'm going to stop punishing my children by saying, "Never mind! I'll do it myself."
Youngsters of the age of two and three are endowed with extraordinary strength. They can lift a dog twice their own weight and dump him into the bathtub.
No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed.
Have you any idea how many kids it takes to turn off one light in the kitchen? Three. It takes one to say, "What light?" and two more to say, "I didn't turn it on."
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