Tuesday, March 10, 2015

Wag the Dog

"All the Presidents" illustration by Keaton age 7 
Blessed are the young, 
for they shall inherit the National Debt. 
- Sir Malcolm Rifkind

Because I end up in a discussion about our political system more days than not, I’m pretty confident that my great love and admiration for politicians isn’t unique.

If you want a friend in Washington, 
get a dog. 
- Harry Truman

As a tax paying, library using, trash producing, dog owning, law obeying (generally), licensed motorist I spend time thinking of ways to improve our election process.

PETA is not happy that my dog likes fresh air. 
- Mitt Romney in 2007, 
responding to criticism for strapping his dog 
(in a carrier) to the roof of his car. 

That is how it works right? 

Fleas can be taught nearly anything 
that a congressman can. 
– Mark Twain

Joe Biden and John Boehner will be giving me a call any day now and I want to have a concise plan of action ready for implementation.

Politicians and diapers must be changed often, 
and for the same reason. 
- Mark Twain 

In a recent political poll, Darth Vader was rated as more favorable than the 2016 potential presidential candidates. 

I didn't like to kiss babies, 
though I didn't mind kissing their mothers 
- Joseph Philippe Pierre Yves Elliot Trudeau, 
Prime Minister of Canada  

Hillary Clinton polled highest and tied with Boba Fett. 

Socks the Cat, Clinton and Buddy the dog 
I would rather be beat on and be a man 
than to be elected and be a little puppy dog. 
- Davy Crockett

Congress is far, far, abysmally far behind all polled options including Emperor Palpatine and Jar Jar Banks. 

During the Prince's visit, 
King Timahoe will be referred to only as Timahoe, since it would be inappropriate for the Prince to be outranked by a dog. 
- Richard M. Nixon 
(On how to address the president's Irish Setter,
during a visit by Prince Charles)

Here is my new proposition for candidacy.

The New Right: 
kiss the bankers and spank the babies. 
– Mason Cooley

Pass any political hopeful through a gauntlet of hungry dogs and crabby children. 

My advice to any diplomat 
who wants to have good press 
is to have two or three kids and a dog. 
- Carl Rowan

Get canine and toddler approval and you can run.

Government is like a baby. 
An alimentary canal with a big appetite at one end and no sense of responsibility at the other. 
- Ronald Reagan

Maybe dogs and children aren’t picky enough. 

Politics are not my concern.
They impressed me as a dog's life 
without a dog's decencies.
- Rudyard Kipling

Cats and Anna Wintour?

Who let the dogs out? Who? Who? 
– Mitt Romney, 
during an awkward photo op 
with African Americans kids 
at a Martin Luther King Day parade 

Alligators and middle age social workers? 

The country at large 
takes a natural interest in the President's dogs 
and judges him by the taste and discrimination 
he show in his selection.... 
Any man who does not like dogs 
and want them about 
does not deserve to be in the White House. 
- AKC Gazette, 1924

Velociraptors and The Grim Reaper?

Socks, the Clinton's cat
I love a dog. 
He does nothing for political reasons. 
- Will Rogers

I’m voting for the gauntlet of social workers. 

The more I learn about people, 
the more I like my dog. 
– Mark Twain

We’ve definitely had to work within the most idiotic, ill conceived and wasteful programs the government has produced. 

Listen, I'm a politician 
which means I'm a cheat and a liar, 
and when I'm not kissing babies 
I'm stealing their lollipops. 
But it also means I keep my options open. 
– Jeffery Pelt, The Hunt for Red October

If that doesn't pan out, I'm working on an alternative. I don't want to give it away but involves power ball and government cheese. 

If a dog will not come to you 
having looked you in the face, 
you should go home 
and examine your conscience. 
- Woodrow Wilson

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