Wednesday, September 17, 2014

Directioner Dads? - Update How Embarrassing

I did not know this was a thing, but wow there are some really dedicated dads out there.

Actually I barely knew that One Direction (or as the kids say, 1D) is a thing but evidently this is something we ALL need to know about. 

Per my extensive Google research, 1D is the boy band who came in third, yep not first, third, on the X factor and have been acquiring approximately 92% of young females’ spending cash since 2011. 

Between them, they were worth £70 million. If you don’t happen to know the conversion rate, that is $114 MILLION in the USA and that my friends was last year, just TWO YEARS after having a worth of approximately £0 (which still equals $0, conversion rate or not.) 

More record breaking stuff? Their first single made iTune’s number two spot while still on PRE-ORDER. Their first album was number one on the Billboard charts when it was released. 
No steps up and no album has done that. Ever. Even their book One Direction: Forever Young (Our Official X Factor Story) debuted at number one on the Times Bestseller list.  

Completely amazing? The 2011 / 2012 UK tour sold out in 12 MINUTES. 

Assuming you aren’t in the 12 to 14 year old female set saying, “No duh!”, I’m guessing you might be in the “No Ever-Loving, the Beatles RULE, these guys don’t even shave, what is wrong with the entire tween female population, Way!” 

Cue the tweens, “Way!”

There is one little twist contributing to the surreal 1D experience. A conspiracy groups is claiming that One Direction is a secret Al Qaeda recruitment tool because one of the boys is a Muslim. Al Qaeda can’t afford Simon Cowell so crazier than Fox News, launch the bizarre factor:

Niall is left-handed and has only read one book, To Kill A Mockingbird. (Can Fox verify that? Perhaps crackerjack reporter Ms Kelly can brush up on the story, um . . . perhaps Rupert Murdoch can first explain to her the official Fox interpretation of this liberal bias, pinko-commy conspiracy book.) 

Liam only has one kidney and he never touches a drop of alcohol. (Where is Fox News pointing out the Al Qaeda similarities on that bit of trivia?) He also has a spoon phobia and I’m assuming cutlery and not cuddling but again, where is Fox News to clarify?

Louis likes girls who eat carrots and would choose flying as a superpower. (Louis, you better get some more interesting material. No wonder you aren’t the favorite and you will never get an interview with Fox that way.)

Zayn’s name is actually spelt with an ‘i’ (Zain) but thinks the other spelling is more original and he can’t swim. (Odd spelling and no swimming? Sounds suspicious and CIA, FBI, MI-5 and Murdoch surveillances are probably warranted.)

Harry’s ex-girlfriend, a judge on X factor, is 15 years older but Harry does sleep naked which may have contributed to that relationship. However, it is o-v-e-r now and apparently Harry is up for grabs! (How old is Megyn Kelly?)

Here are some of the edited and heavily condensed responses from the 1D fans. Trust me, there is no need for anyone else to plow through the entire thing again, but note the ages of these girls and the simplistic understanding of the world. For example, a 20 year old guy "dating" an 11 year old is not primarily concerned that while in jail he will be made being made fun of. It is a miracle that my gender makes it out of this horrible developmental period. (Some of my gender anyway.) 

i dont care if harry sleeps naked, if he's a little too old for me because im 13. i dont care how he has his hair because its his face and personality i like. i just wish i could meet him in person because i dont care what anyone else says about how all fans love their idols, but "Yes i do love harry, but not because he's famous" id still love him if he was poor and not a singer.. i dont go for people who are rich and famous, i go for people who aren't affraid about showing their emotions, people who aren't the most confident in life but they get on (people like me) but that only happens in fairytales because i'd never get a chance with harry because he's too good for me i think... :'(

I know same with Niall and Zayn i like them for them not cause there rich and famous 


hey!!! zayn is MINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Well he's not yours cause you dont own him ke owns hisself 


Can you guys shut up you all have to love them not one so that show you guys are not true fans!!!!!! do you guys know there blood type
NO do you know where they are every second every day UH NO!!!!!!! Shut up and pick all of them 

that would just be stalker behavior 


that's kinda RUDE 2 say that 2 someone


me and my best friend go mad over them. mum thinks im crazy but im not 

Well said , kelsey - marie , i think that if he noticed you he would see you as a bright star in the sky i think you would be perfect for him .
And remember miracles do happen you know what if he broke your heart I've got your back :) Sorry about the spelling i am 10 
Anna C

Are freaking kidding me really so you would risk Zayn to go to jail just cause you like him he would never go out with an a 11 year old so
you have to get that straight ok and of course YOU don't care about age cause you're not the one who's gonna have to go to jail and be made fun of. 

Stop being silly, one of them is from Doncaster, another from Bradford. You should like one of the ones from a Yorkshire City, for if you go to their house for tea, their mothers will be able to make better gravy. Choose wisely!
Louie's (Future) Wife

Sorry I don't mean to be rude or wherever but if Harry was a nobody you wouldn't even know who he was so don't say that. you would be still a justin fans 

I know Liam is afraid of spoons and I think some girls would laugh at him for that but everybody has perks and I would try to help him get 
over his fear not just stand there and laugh.I would work stuff out with his career too. I mean some people wold break up with someone for that but a career is just as important. 

don't believe those guys who say nobody's to good for anyone now I may sound really mean but actually im really nice BUT I also have 
wisdom to and yes people can be to good for you its like my story I've been in love with the same guy for 4yrs. I know for a positive fact that I'll never be good enough for him because for one thing of all is he's soooo HANDSOME and im just a Fugly girl and he's in 7th grade im in 6th grade I PROMISE YOU Kelsey-Marie when you find a more realistic person and fall in love its like a drug you can't get enough of 
(truncated version of the heartbreaking disclosure of a “Fugly” 6th grade girl.) 

Finally, to get into the land of complete nuts, GQ did pre-prints of 1D covers with song lyrics under the boys’ names. Their website crashed under the strain of the commenting furry. Primary outrage? Harry and the chosen song lyrics. (Recall Harry of the 32 year old, X Factor judge as girlfriend, while he was 17 years old fame?) 

Update - How embarrassing for me. My 14 year old girl has informed me that this is not a 1D song as I had previously assumed. Silly me. So all outrage from 1D tweens fan . . . go right ahead . . . completely justifiable. 

"He's Up All Night To Get Lucky."

Hold on tight because here are some of the edited best. (Caps aren’t my addition. Just an indication of how REALLY ANGRY the fans are!) 




GQ’s response? Consider your feedback noted.

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