Monday, July 21, 2014

Not Quite Your Size

This story sounds familiar . . .

Apparently occupancy of a cardboard box is an aspect of puppy happiness that I was not aware of. 

Oh sure, it probably starts out harmless enough. . .  
a discarded box from Christmas. . . 

a patched box from an older sibling . . . 
maybe some decals or glitter . . . 

but who knows, really knows, where it will end and are you willing to take that chance?  

And this is where I attempted, and failed, to form an amusing correlation or an expansion on the subject of canines or cardboard. 

Bulldogs are an odd combination of traits.  Short, pudgy, stubborn, snoring aficionados with red-rimmed eyes, dental issues, folds of facial skin and abundant gastrointestinal difficulties.  

They are the dog equivalent of the really old uncle that comes over once a year for Thanksgiving. 

The one that continually reminds all children in a three block radius how ungrateful they are before falling asleep on the sofa, dentures protruding and accompanies snores with gaseous explosions.  

I was initially heading to a solidarity post.  The picking of an occupancy box and subsequent destruction of the occupancy box based on mass, girth and seam pressure is not dissimilar to my experience with denim. 

I might be a genetic powerhouse when it comes to surviving a famine but the progression of denim in larger increments has led to some personal experience with seam pressure. 

In addition, I was looking to expound on the pairing of English Bulldogs with Winston Churchill. Churchill was witty, brilliant and inspiring and I don’t think it is an exaggeration to say he influenced global history. 

What is even more remarkable, he did all of that while wrestling with crushing depression.  He would call his bouts of depression the “black dog” and wrote about what he would do to keep the Black Dog at bay. 

Having a sizable Black Dog myself, there are times going out of my room seems overwhelming much less attempting to lead a nation during war.   

If for no other reason than the tie to Churchill I would have to like Bulldogs. 

Then I tried to branch out the pairing of famous people with a symbolic canine. 

Pretty much a failure but with a nod to Sylvester Stallone and his Bullmastiff Butkis. (Story taken from online reports of an interview with Sly and not from any firsthand knowledge on my part. I could tell you were wondering.)  Prior to selling the script for ‘Rocky’, Stallone couldn’t afford to feed his dog.  

He sold the Bullmastiff for $50 and shortly after he sold his script.  He tried to buy the dog  back and was finally successful after a $3000 payment, a large portion of what he was paid for Rocky, and “lots of threats.” 

I also really wanted to mention Millie, the English springer Spaniel, owned by George H.W. Bush. Millie’s Book, as dictated to Barbara Bush, an illustrated account of the presidency, outsold Bush’s book about the same presidency, as told by the president. I find that amusing. 

By now, I’ve expended time, sanity and sleep on this topic and were I a rational, normal person, I would have moved on much sooner. 

I don’t think there are many people I know who would call me rational and I do have one last Bulldog comment. 

Bulldogs are the fifth most popular dog breed in America and I think I know why.  Bulldog puppies are adorable but there is something more. 

Where Bulldogs have the American advantage is a consequence of the stubby legs and barrel bodies. They have a fantastic center of gravity for low to the ground mobility.  

I think I’m safe in assuming there aren’t many Great Dane who long board. 

Then, just to put it over the top, they have that unflappable demeanor and slightly bored facial expression.  

The ultimate display of self confidence.

Now I have to apologize to my three puppies as I have never provided them with cardboard containers. 

However, if appropriate sized boxes were proffered, I have no doubt which one dog would seize ownership of all three boxes while the other two dogs looked sad and whimpered. 

*This account of canine behavior is supposition on my part and not the result of any interview or other correspondence with the canines pictured above, nor with any canine representative, canine publicists, canine spirits or canine aliens.  

No canines were harmed during the creation of this post.  Furthermore, while Bulldogs tend to look pissed of, this appears to be a genetic characteristic of the breed and not a result of interactions tied to this blog.  

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