Saturday, March 8, 2014

The Shipoopi Koch Brother’s Super PAC Part 4

We are at the part where I try to tie all of the pieces together in a tidy little package or at the very least, I attempt some cohesion. But this time; 

Musicals, Mormons and "Mittens" Romney 
Sign Language, Super PACS and The Tea Party
Koch Brothers, Wealth Inequality and Possible Zombies 
Public Relations, Karl Rove and Bribery 
The Dreaded 

This time, all the lose ends are going to get shoved into a box and wrapping with 42 feet of duct tape.  But I should at least repeat one continuous theme: 

Back to the theories of clandestine Mormon and Koch interactions. Mittens Romney appears to be strongest link between the two but it isn’t very likely.  The possible zombie brothers have already purchased congress and derailed any sane option for an equitable campaign. Donating to Mitt via their Super-Duper PAC, while Machiavellian and detrimental to the environment, economy, manufacturing, shipping and global happiness, it is not illegal. So if there is a LDS Church connection, I'm not getting it. 

Then there was that whole grudge match between the boys and Karl Rove. But while Karl Rove was raised in Utah, he wasn’t Mormon so even less of a connection. 

A few years ago, the brothers decided they needed to amass even more political power.  (I think its overkill but I guess if you’ve already bought everything in the world, you have to spend it on something.) So, they found a guy (who happens to be a Mormon), set him up with $135 million dollars and tasked him with sprinkling it, like fairy dust, in sate level politics. After keeping $25 million as his dust sprinkling fee, he did as he was instructed. 

In the end, they successfully purchased the Wisconsin governor but other than that, not much happened to bolster their bid for world domination. End result, Mormon guy fired, $135 million gone, but still no additional information about the Kochs and the LDS Church. 

After stretching my tiny brain as far as it would go, I came up with one more theory.  They aren’t funneling money through the Mormons, they must be funneling money directly to the Mormons. 

By now, it’s universally accepted that the brothers are poster boys for all things corrupt, immoral and arrogant. They’ve tried several PR counter measures to shift public opinion, but their approval rating remains at just above Pat Robertson and just below mashed turnips.

What they really should do is buy something wholesome, honest and charitable then  craft that acquisition into the All-American face of the Kochtopus.  

What to buy?  The Girl Scouts? (They could add a Kochtopus badge and maybe even a Kochtopus cookie.) Sesame Street? Christmas?  The International Date Line? How about all visible light waves?

What about a church!?! Or, even better, an entire religion!?! They could sell franchises.    The could craft religious text implying approval of the Kochtopus!  I think we're on to something.  

The Catholic Church?  Well the Vatican isn't exactly in need of more funds and they are having their own PR issues.  How about a smaller religion? The Amish? The Quakers? Most of the smaller religions are too obscure to help with a global paradigm shift. 

Enter the . . . Mormons! Not too big to become problematic, not too small to be unknown. They are also generally seen as pro-family, hardworking, devoted, conservative and honest. Brilliant!! I think we might have uncovered the secret Mormon and Koch connection. 

That's not to say the Koch boys will be successful. I'm fairly confident the Mormon authorities would reject placement of possible zombie brothers into the organizational hierarchy. I have faith they would also decline the sale of the Mormon Tabernacle Choir (both building and choristers) and the Missionary Training Center 

Anyway, sale or not, it would be an awesome reality show!!!

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