Thursday, March 6, 2014

The Shipoopi Koch Brother’s Super PAC Part 2

We’re moving temporarily away from the Brothers and Sisters of Zion, but don’t you worry, we’re coming back. The Daily Show, in fine theatrical form, has a tribute to a set of brothers who are NOT Brothers of Zion.  ( . . . or are they?)

Your interactive instruction is: start at 3.5.  

Best musical parody line about the Koch brothers ever? (Not that there are many to choose from.)

“These guys are great, they’re rich, they’re white, they’re old and possibly zombies.”

If you are experiencing growing horror at the American political system, you might want to watch the entire thing.  Its only a matter of time before the 85 richest people in the world (who own as much as the  poorest 3.5 billion people) drop the pretense that this is a democracy and formally intrench themselves and their progeny as supreme rulers of the universe.  

Considering that the Koch brothers are about 250 years old, they are going to have to make their move soon, or come back from the grave.  With the upcoming implosion of civilization, I have to admit, the Mormon idea of keeping food storage is sounding prudent.

At this point, you might have paused for a bit and re-read the stats above. (I know I did!) Did you think, That must a typo. You mean 85 with some zeros behind it right? 850,000 or 85,000 maybe?  

Nope. It is an incredible ratio of 85 : 3,500,000,000.  

How is that even possible!?! 

I think this might be part of the issue:

Per media reports and disclosure of financial documents, the Koch brothers are clearly like rich benevolent Uncles who, if they aren’t limited by silly regulations or asked too many questions, will exponentially grow wealth and everyone, the global community, the population of the planet, the entirety of mankind, will become rich! Rich beyond our wildest dreams!!

What could possibly go wrong with this plan?

It was so generous for the the Bro’s to provide help to all those less fortunate.  Especially considering that ALL of us, in the WORLD, with the exception of maybe five other individuals, HAVE LESS than the brothers.

By “provide help,” I mean “thinking about” offering help, and by “thinking about” offering to help I mean they aren’t really going to help.

And by less, I don’t mean a disparity of a widowed octogenarian living in section 8 housing and eating cat food versus the boys living in a fully staffed Pent House in New York, a Vacation Home on the Riviera and a hypothetical purchase of the Bishop of Bling’s German Estate. (Which, as an aside, was renovated from the theft of $50 million from the Vatican.)

I mean a disparity of a widowed octogenarian, living under a tarp and eating insects versus the boys owning an enormous swath of the Riviera, the entirety of Vatican City and building a moon colony from Newt’s architectural plans for their private use. 

Since this post is starting to push the blog duration limit, It looks like part 3 is coming up! 
And what is it about the Koch Brothers that makes me type a 12 page tangent? Allergies? Temporary Tourettes syndrome? Overwhelming revulsion?  I’m not ruling anything out.

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