Sunday, February 16, 2014

I am a handsome man.

Another thread from my 15 year old nephew, who is pretty damn insightful, with some commentary from my buddy Pat.

Pat is my BFF because when I get to the point where clearly either I am nuts or certain groups around the globe are nuts, I take a look at Pat and say, “Oh good. Comparatively I’ve still got some grasp on reality."

A response to Putin’s instructions to all gays deciding to attend the games in Sochi. Basically gay propaganda will not be tolerated so if you are going to do something gay then for heaven sakes do it at home and get it out of your system.

Maybe he should have also given special instructions to the Germans.  Even if you are female, and the leader of your country and we have code names for our private, NSA monitored calls, the rules are, no touch! Especially no "grab the nose" and specially no grab in the range of cameras and especially no grab with cameras when we are in Washington DC and I need to look like a bad ass.

But again I digress! The continuation of the Putin instructional gay tourist manual. It will be easy to spot you international gays. Sochi has no gays. After all there isn’t anything in Sochi that gays would like to do; go to a gay bar or to a gay beach or to a gay ski area or to a gay shopping mall.  Obviously, any gays have left long ago, probably to take up residence in France.

Allow me one more indulgence.

Evidently, accommodations in Sochi are not exactly what is expected  of a host country.

Perhaps, rather than an exodus to other areas, retention of individuals with skill and knowhow of presentation might have proved valuable.

Food for thought anyway.

My Nephew: If you think exposure to "gay propaganda" might switch someone to being gay, you might be gay.
My Brother-in-law: What do you mean by gay propaganda?
My Nephew: “Gay propaganda” quoting Vladimir Putin, which has become something as small as two men holding hands.

My Nephew’s older brother: (Which is also my nephew but that becomes confusing.) It turned me gay . . .
My Nephew’s brother’s friend: Well I am a handsome man. Shouldn’t have spent so much time around me.
My Nephew’s brother: You exposed me to gay propaganda?

Me: I happen to know that my buddy Pat has a face to face meeting, every morning, with the big guy upstairs so he knows about this kind of stuff and here is what he says:

“I know one man who was impotent who gave AIDS to his wife and the only thing they did was kiss.” Pat Robertson (It is amazing that Pat and “Legitimate Rape” guy haven’t been asked to head up the Surgeon General’s office.)

“Many of those people involved in Adolf Hitler were Satanists, many were homosexuals - the two things seem to go together.” Pat Robertson (Oh Pat, I think you need to take World History 101 again. Actually, it wouldn’t be a bad thing for you to take most 101 courses again.)

“Feminism is a socialist, anti-family, political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians.” Pat Robertson (Well duh! That is printed right on the Feminism Charter pamphlet.)

And my favorite, Pat is a complete idiot, quote:
God created blizzard “to punish Americans who were planning to drive to do something gay.” Pat Robertson

I hate the word homophobia.  It's not a phobia.  
You are not scared. You are an asshole." Morgan Freeman

My Nephew’s brother’s friend: I get punished all the time. Maybe I’m gay?
Me: We would have to ask Pat. I’ll bet he has some kind of a test.
My Nephew’s brother’s friend: Hit him up! I must know! I can’t go on living in uncertainty.

Me: Question One: How much money have you donated to the 700 club?
My Nephew’s brother’s friend: The what?

Me: I am afraid that answer is incorrect. Your failure to contribute a sizable portion of your income to Pat and his television dynasty can lead Pat to only one conclusion. It is obvious that not only are you a deviant, but the only way to redemption is to send Pat all of your assets immediately and he will personally intervene for you at his next breakfast meeting with God.

Me: I think not knowing what the 700 club is, is a pretty good indication of intelligence.

And thus the death knell for this thread, like my contributions to other threads, has been sounded.

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