Saturday, January 25, 2014

You are never too fat. . .

“You are never too fat for a new purse.” Nia Vardalos of my Big Fat Greek Wedding fame.

I HATE women who declare, “I LOVE to shop!” when describing their hobbies or even worse, describing their skills.  You do!?! Well how glamtastic!! Is Paris Hilton your BFF!?! Do you also like romantic walks on the beach and is your favorite movie Pretty Woman!?! Is it fair to say that you are not overburdened with an education? Generally speaking, is there a “daddy” funding your consumerism?

And why do I hate it?  The outcome is a section of the female population who are “successful” based on what relationship they can maneuver themselves into and on how long they can access finances from that relationship. It is not a progressive or even sustainable skill set.

It is also the antithesis of independence, creativity, intelligence and academics, oh and about a hundred other desirable human features.  AND it is also the antithesis of most of my characteristics.  If finding the value of a female person involves youth and a size 0 ass, I am pretty far down on the rung of desirability. 

“My New Year’s Resolution List usually starts with the desire to lose between ten and three thousand pounds.” Nia Vardalos 

So shopping is one of my least favorite activities. It involves searching, sorting, rummaging and always being one size over what is available. Then clothes go off and on in a little room with lots of mirrors so you can’t miss viewing any portion of your anatomy. 

I end up with a few tolerable options for shopping. Purses, scarves, earrings, makeup and sometimes shoes. Shoes are an item on the edge of shopping acceptability.  I am far beyond wearing torturous footwear because they are “So cute!”  

I have one pair of black slip on shoes and one pair of brown slip on shoes and after about 9 months of continual use, I took a valium and headed to the shoe store.

It was a miracle! One pair found in both Black and Brown.  One pair of cushioned slip on kind in my size and one pair of white athletic shoes, acceptable for work because they have white eyelet covering the canvas. 

Well, "eyelet covered" might not be in the work dress code but I'm going to say, apparel with an eyelet overlay screams I am a professional!)  45 minutes, one credit card, four pairs of shoes and I am good for what . . . at least 24 months?  

“I thought I was attractive when I shot, ‘My Big Fat Greek Wedding.’ Studio executives and movie reviewers let me know I had a confidence in my appearance that was not shared by them.”  Nia Vardalos

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