Tuesday, May 28, 2013

Pizza and the Mormon Fuzz


A long time ago, my sister’s boyfriend went on a Mormon Mission (as most Mormon boys do.) The Missionary Training Center (MTC) is in Provo by BYU and Mormon Missionaries go there for intense foreign language acquisition, memorizing the LDS gospel lessons and a crash course how to tolerate being with a companion twenty four hours a day, seven days a week for two years. (For that reason alone, I would have made a horrible Missionary and I would have feared for my companion’s wellbeing.) 

So my sister decides she wanted to bring him a pizza.  We drive the hour and a half down to Happy Valley (the self-proclaimed descriptive title of Provo.) 


Pizza in hand, we head to the MTC and ask where this particular Elder can be located. (Elder being the church given title to male missionaries.  Females are Sisters at young adult hood, Sisters while on a mission and remain Sisters until, well I was going to say death, but really its an eternal title.) I’m not surprised when the MTC receptionists say tracking down an Elder is a very, very naughty thing to do leading to probable emersion training disturbance and possible training failure.  They will be happy to take the pizza and deliver it safely to him.


“Ha!’ we say to ourselves and we walk around the buildings, pizza in hand. Miraculously, we escape divine lightning strikes or turning into a pillar of salt.  Eventually we give up, decide we’ll go somewhere and eat the pizza ourselves. So we drive around a bit trying to find a park.


Pretty soon a cop car is following us.  We decide there is no park in the direction we are heading so we turn around to try a new location.



Cop pulls us over.  In a parental, finger shaking way, he says, “Now, those missionaries are very, very busy and we can’t have you disturbing them.”  He strongly suggests, in a disregard for church and state separation, that we had out of town in a speedy manner.



This leads me to a suggestion. When the televangelists lose their minds over separation of church and state, it might behoove them to specify which religion they would like to run the state. Just a guess, but I’m thinking they mean their church and not so much the Mormons, Quakers or Jehovah’s Witnesses.


Be specific in your quest to circumvent the constitution or live with the Ruling Wicca Regime.

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