Sunday, May 19, 2013

Outside Bad. Inside Good.


“If outside is so good, why has mankind spent thousands of years trying to perfect inside?” Sheldon Cooper, The Big Bang Theory


I have never understood the drive to be outside. Outside is where the stinging, biting, parasitic body invaders live. Outside is directly correlated to sunburn, lack of temperature control and the unavailability  of electrical outlets.  Outside is where peeing does not involve flushing.

However, I completely agree with maximizing land protection.  I am going to go out on a limb here and suggest that if the obscenely wealthy, government subsidized, big oil pimps are allowed to go jaunting about looking for oil, eventually we will have no access to water and then, my friends, how are they going to make Diet Coke a liquid instead of a solid?


So, for all you rugged outdoors, tree hugging types, you are more than welcome to use up my outside time allotment while I enjoy comfort, predictability and the minimal chance I will be lost while navigating through the house.

Actual comments left on Forest Service comment cards and a few awesome quotes from presidents past:


“While my interest in natural history has added very little to my sum of achievement, it has added immeasurably to my sum of enjoyment in life." "It was here that the romance of my life began." Teddy Roosevelt


"A small deer came into my camp and stole my bag of pickles. Is there a way I can get reimbursed?”
"Need more signs to keep area pristine."
"Trails need to be reconstructed. Please avoid building trails that go uphill."


“There is nothing so American as our national parks. The scenery and the wildlife are native. The fundamental idea behind the parks is native. It is, in brief, that the country belongs to the people, that it is in process of making for the enrichment of the lives of all of us. The parks stand as the outward symbol of the great human principle.” Franklin D. Roosevelt  

"Too many bugs and leeches and spiders and spider webs. Please spray the wilderness to rid the area of these pests."
"The places where trails do not exist are not well marked."
"Escalators would help on steep uphill sections.”

“It is our task in our time and in our generation, to hand down undiminished to those who come after us, as was handed down to us by those who went before, the natural wealth and beauty which is ours.” John F Kennedy


"Chairlifts need to be in some places so that we can get to wonderful views without having to hike to them."
"The coyotes made too much noise last night and kept me awake. Please eradicate these annoying animals."
"Too many rocks in the mountains."

"It is not what we have that will make us a great nation; it is the way in which we use it." Teddy Roosevelt

"A McDonald's would be nice at the trailhead."

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