Saturday, May 18, 2013

Beer, it’s not just for breakfast.

As a young man, one of my patients had a kidney stone and was admitted to the hospital. (This is back in the day when inpatient was the protocol for almost any malady.)


So his doc tells him he needs a strong diuretic.  (A medicine or substance that makes you pee.) As it turns out, per this doc, beer is the number one substance for producing a whole lot of pee.  “Want to know the best part?” my patient asks.  “The insurance paid for it.”  Just think of how many bars would jump on that insurance-paying-for- beer band wagon. Prove your patrons are in need of peeing and you would be in business!


Years ago, I worked in a hospital that was in the middle of a huge Mormon community.  And because I am the way I am, a brief, semi-related story. My office was the cupboard under the sink in the break room. (Not kidding.) One day the dietitian had ordered me a professional name plate and had she had taped it to the cupboard door. Totally hilarious.


So a patient came in who had a hip fracture along with a drinking problem.  (Probably some correlation there.) The doc decided that requiring him to go through the DT’s while recovering from the facture would probably not have a good outcome.


He asked the guy how much and what he drank. The doc wrote an order requiring that the hospital kitchen provide both beer and scotch.


Remember, this is Mormon territory and none of the kitchen girls had ever been inside a liquor store much less actually purchased alcohol. Evidently there was panicking over being seen by a church leader going in and out of the liquor store.  Not sure how they worked it out (drawing straws maybe) but the requirement was met.


To return the favor of my newly recognizable door, I bought the dietitian a pair of eyeglasses with fake nose disguises. Freedom to go out of any unsavory establishment with anonymity.

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