Monday, April 29, 2013

Tale of the Banking Bastards.

A cautionary bedtime tale:

Recall, if you will, that my most fabulous brother is the owner of the house I am currently entrenched in.

He, along with my sister, purchased the house several years ago at the peak of the housing bubble. Since that time he has made every effort to work with the Bastards at the Bank to find a reasonable solution to the unreasonable condition the Bank Bastards created by being Bastards.

So, after many years of diligent and difficult payment of the ridiculous first and second mortgage, he simply announced he would no longer pay said mortgage. 

The Bank Bastards, noticing the non-payment of the mortgage after approximately six months, behaved much like the Congress during a televised Congressional hearing.

(Very similar to a high school production of Shakespeare.  “No, sir! I am the MORE outraged by your very presence in this holy and hallowed place of justice!)

However, payment would not be forthcoming and therefore the conclusion was, Bank Bastards holding the initial mortgage would short sell the house while Bank Bastards holding the second mortgage would foreclose and auction the house.

(Evidently, not only are they bastards to the loan holder they are also bastards to each other. And once again, rationality was not to be had.)

Within this precarious situation, a buyer was found and the drawn out process of agreeing to a purchasing price, loan approval and the general Bastard requirements of Banking enrichment was initiated.

And therefore, we join the current story in progress.

The initial buyer has fallen through. Another buyer has been lined up and the “Dance of the House Under Contract,” Act II, will commence momentarily. (Lobby lights flickering, please take your seats.)

At the same time, my Conventional Mortgage Loan, more commonly known as “Will the Greedy Banking Bastards Get Enough Money?”, directed by my fabulous mortgage broker, is in Act XXXI, and as it is an Ad Lib production, it may or may not conclude in the next few days.

However, the story-changing, plot twist is the Bastards at the Bank of Foreclosure have pushed the date of auction to mid­-June.

So, what does all of this mean? The sub-plots, the witty dialogue, the inevitability of the Bank Bastards continuing to make obscene profits as they destroy the American population?

I wish there was a more noble, life affirming moral. I wish the Bank Bastards were slayed by a Community Bank uprising and effective banking oversight. I wish there was a political revolution demanding transparency in action leading to a system that, on occasion, functioned for the benefit of the people.

Is there at least an outcome of personal growth and betterment?  Unless, utilizing a reprieve from immediate eviction to further procrastinate making a written inventory of packing boxes, then no. There is not even a minor morally uplifting point to be had in this Tale of the Banking Bastards.

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