Monday, March 25, 2013

Birthday Dating Advice

My fabulous oldest daughter is now 18! A legal adult with the ability to join the military, join a cult or join the Peace Corps. She can vote, marry or get a tattoo.  (Perhaps all three on the same day.) She can choose to forgo further education and live in a VW bus or she can spear head the ultra-conservative right wing of the Republican Party.  A bit frightening isn’t it?  

She called me last night.  “Mom, how big of an age difference is too big when you are dating?”  “Well, I think I need some clarification.” And I can tell she is rolling her eyes, but it is a valid parameter to her question.

“In current US society or in Old Testament, Biblical times? Are bridal dowries, polygamy or the potential for public executions involved? Did the interaction start with an in individual employed by the public educational system and a student enrolled in said school system? Is potential jail time involved?”

“Mom! Gross! Just answer the question.”

“Well, then let’s take a look at another set of parameters. Does the older of the two profess to be a movie mogul with the ability to further a budding acting career, a member of the royal Saudi family or Hugh Hefner?  Is the younger of the two at least ‘smoking hot’ but acts ‘really, really mature’ for his or her age?”

“Mom, seriously, this is not helpful!”

“Alright, how about this? Rather than deciding on a definitive number, let’s look at a sliding, proportional scale of perceived social attractiveness.”

“Mom, I’m going to hang up now.”

“Just one example, it will be fun!  Anna Nicole Smith, married at 26 to an 89 year old who was a devoted fan of hers from the strip club. That 13 month marriage might, and I’m just saying might, have come to fruition because of one party’s Playboy Centerfold assets and another party’s enormous bank account and proximity to death. Not a good foundation for a long term relationship of mutual love and respect.  And even then, poor Anna Nicole couldn’t access the bulk of his fortune because his sons kept it tied up in the court, until they died, then their sons kept it tied up until she died of an overdose. Not really a success story on any level.”

“Never mind, I’m sorry I asked.”

“I guess that means you don’t want to hear the Betty Broderick story.”  

“I’ll just ask dad.”

Hmmm, I say to myself, ironically there was a discussion along these same lines not so long ago with a differing of opinion.

“OK, so who do you want to date?” “A guy who is 21. But he is really nice and he is just down here to help his mom and he is going back to ASU next semester.”

“Well my thought is you’re almost a college undergrad and you’ll probably be dating other college undergrads so I’m guessing the age difference is probably not going to be the primary  consideration in dating this guy.”

“Alright, well thanks mom.” "Any time. Let me know how it goes."

#Montana #Birthday 

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