Monday, February 25, 2013

The Pope and The Queen walk into bar

Big news from the Vatican:

With these two seniors in power positions (I am using my lack of global influence as a measuring stick so I'm not exactly clear on the extent of power) I'm noticing certain similarities.  

Anyone up for a friendly little match of who best wielded the archaic traditions of global exploitation? 

Let's open with Reign of Power. 

Pope Benedict, born April 1927, inaugurated April 2005.

Queen Elizabeth, born April 1926, accession to the throne February 1952.  

Point to The Queen.

"The Pope said that at age 85 he cannot physically go on. Meanwhile, Hugh Hefner is going to be 87 and he just married a 26-year-old. So much for that celibate lifestyle!" Jay Leno

Both have a protective detail with apparel that must be a diversionary tactic. However, the Swiss Guards' uniforms were influenced by Raphael. 

Point to The Pope.  

“I have as much authority as The Pope. I just don’t have as many people who believe it." George Carlin 

"Every country gets the circus it deserves. Spain gets bull fights. Great Britain gets the Royal family. Italy gets the Catholic Church and America gets Hollywood." Eric Jong

Both have to “press the flesh” with their public but
neither actually touch flesh unless absolutely necessary. 

Point for the Popemobile. 

“I think we should keep politics out of church, and back in hell where it belongs.
” Jarod Chintz

Considering who The Pope serves, the next issue should have been in the bag. The Queen and The Pope both have had costume malfunctions secondary to wind issues. 

The Pope appears to have piss off his boss and frankly The Queen's costuming appears to be more wind friendly.

Point to The Queen.

Another common factor? Bling! 

“I have to be seen to be believed.” Queen Elizabeth II

The Queen has defiantly got the Face on Currency and Stamps point.

Good try to Benedict. 

King Henry the XIII: "Well, then I will set up a new religion in this country. I will set up the...the Psychotic Bastard Religion!" And an advisor said, "Why not call it Church of England, sir?" - Eddie Izzard

Even though Henry did his best to exploit his subjects' compulsory membership to his newly formed religion, The Catholic Church had more years and a bigger congregation to exploit. 

Currency and Stamps aside, Point for wealth goes to The Pope. 

How about points for complete oblivion when interacting with commoners? 

“And what do you do?” Queen Elizabeth II asking guitar greats, Eric Clapton, Jimmy Page, Jeff Beck and Brian May. Then to Eric Clapton, “Have you been playing a long time?”

Nevertheless, she did participate in some tongue and cheek publicity.  

The Pope, on the other hand, wins with complete oblivion on what type of behavior a scandalous and immoral.

"When The Pope met The Queen of England, they both said the same thing to each other: 'Nice hat.'" Jay Leno

You knew the hat round had to come up. Both have some likely chapeau candidates but I'm going with The Pope again. 

The Queen has some fabulous headgear but generally speaking, if she hatted, everyone else is hatted. The Pope goes for the attention getting stand out. It would be interesting to see a trade, miter for tiara. 

"One cannot really be a Catholic and grown up." - George Orwell My husband is a fall-away

Neither The Pope nor The Queen should be able to laugh in public. Didn’t they sign some sort of ridiculous self-absorbed slash dignity course? Come on people. We don’t want your minions to think you are subject to everyday emotions!

"Vicar, I have done many bad things." "Well, so have I." "Well, what should I do?" "Well, drink 5 Bloody Mary's... and you won't remember." Eddie Izzard

They are bossy, bossy old people. Do this, don’t do that! Don’t use birth control. Go to mass. Confess your sins. Have the good sense to be baptized as a child. Feel intense guilt at least 90% of the time. 

The monarchy doesn’t have nearly as much power now but in the past there were some shoot a king’s deer consequences and some heretic burning at the stake issues.

“I think we should keep politics out of church, and back in hell where it belongs.
” Jarod Chintz

"Father, bless me for I have sinned, I did an original sin… I poked a badger with a spoon.” Eddie Iazzrd

"Today's sermon is taken from a magazine that I found... that I found in a hedge. This season's lipstick colours will be in the frosted pink area - and nails to match... and this reminds me rather of our lord Jesus. Because, surely, when Jesus rode into town on a donkey... he must have gotten tarted up a bit." Eddie Izzard

Cothes make the man, or woman. When out of their specialty dresses and funny looking hats, they have no recognizable authority, in that, they have the same authority but they aren’t easily recognized. I wonder if the go undercover and try to find groups in pubs that are saying, “Oh yeah, the queen, well she’s rubbish isn’t she?” 

“We will now sing forth, hymn 405, 'Oh God, what on earth is my hairdo all about?” Eddie Izzard

"Boy George is all England needs –another queen who can’t dress." Joan Rivers

The Pope and The Queen both get the “pleasure” of meeting our US President. I’m guessing, depending on the president, it can be a bit like visiting great aunt Mildred. “What was your name again? Why are you here? What did you bring me? Want to play Pictionary?”

Monty Python
King Arthur: I am your king.
Woman: Well I didn't vote for you.
King Arthur: You don't vote for kings.
Woman: Well how'd you become king then?
 King Arthur: The Lady of the Lake held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water . . . THAT is why I am your king.
Dennis: Listen, strange women lyin' in ponds distributin' swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.

"Stupidity is also a gift of God, but one mustn’t misuse it." Pope John Paul II

Finally both The Pope and The Queen have lost some of their power and influence. The sun never set on the British Empire. That is, until after WWII and the rest of the world demanded the returning of little realms like India. “Oh, all right, I’ll put it back.”

“We lost the American colonies because we lacked the statesmanship to know the right time and the manner of yielding what is impossible to keep.” Queen Elizabeth II

Then the Catholic Church has had lots of very bad, secretive behavior. I’m pretty sure that is in the bible, "Do horrible things to each other but lie about it and hope you don't get caught."

Monty Python
Dennis: What I object to is you automatically treat me like an inferior.
King Arthur: Well I am king.
Dennis: Oh, king eh? Very nice. And how'd you get that, eh? By exploiting the workers. By hanging on to outdated imperialist dogma which perpetuates the economic and social differences in our society. 

"If someone had told me I would be Pope on day, I would have studied harder." Pope John Paul I

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