Candyman
There is a rotation of regulars that walk in and meander to the check in desk. They take a peek at what Doc is on and then decided if they will shuffle out again or fake a seizure in the waiting room. If the Doc is a “Candyman” than seizure it is.
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Call
from a local pharmacy, “We are just checking on a prescription. Was it written for
80 Lortab?” “No. It was written for 8
Lortab.” “We thought so. It would have
been more convincing if the patient hadn’t stolen a package of our pens to
change the number.”
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“So,
you are telling me, that when we get the results back from your drug test we
aren’t going to find anything?” “Well, I think some of my friend's Haldol fell into my aspirin bottle.”
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“Are you allergic to any medication?” “I‘m
allergic to all pain medication, except the one that starts with a D.”
As
a side note, my family, along with piss-poor neurotransmitter genes, also has
the genes for kidney stones. (Lucky us!) In our combined experience, the best
tip I can give you is throw up on the waiting room floor, or even better, on a member
of staff. The arbitrary delay (the one when you are the only person in the waiting
room but you can’t possibly be seen for three more hours) tends to decrease
dramatically.
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It’s nice to see that our health care system is
working out.
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