Thursday, February 28, 2013

Stories from the ER, as told by our favorite ER doc


There is a rotation of regulars that walk in and meander to the check in desk.  They take a peek at what Doc is on and then decided if they will shuffle out again or fake a seizure in the waiting room.  If the Doc is a “Candyman” than seizure it is. 

Call from a local pharmacy, “We are just checking on a prescription. Was it written for 80 Lortab?” “No.  It was written for 8 Lortab.” “We thought so.  It would have been more convincing if the patient hadn’t stolen a package of our pens to change the number.”  

“So, you are telling me, that when we get the results back from your drug test we aren’t going to find anything?” “Well, I think some of my friend's Haldol fell into my aspirin bottle.”

“Are you allergic to any medication?” “I‘m allergic to all pain medication, except the one that starts with a D.”

As a side note, my family, along with piss-poor neurotransmitter genes, also has the genes for kidney stones. (Lucky us!) In our combined experience, the best tip I can give you is throw up on the waiting room floor, or even better, on a member of staff. The arbitrary delay (the one when you are the only person in the waiting room but you can’t possibly be seen for three more hours) tends to decrease dramatically.

It’s nice to see that our health care system is working out.

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