Friday, February 1, 2013

It’s Like Hospice

But without all the dying
Finally on the airplane on the way home from the very, very, oh so very long week of training for the “Job Fantastic” which I am demoting to the “Job We Will Wait and See.”
You know what I hate? Touching, air travel, politics, big Hawaiian centipedes that crawl in bed? Yes, yes and yes. However, not my focus today.
I hate pretending to have to pay attention when I am not in control of the time limit. Let me explain. Having a tendency towards OCD (among other maladies) I have a very short attention span and my early church experience has sucked away an entire life time of tolerance.
So, like an idiot, I chose a career where I have to listen to people talk for long periods of time about subjects I don’t find particularly interesting. (Then, cousin Myrtle got that Lumbago and Uncle Eddie. . . )
I’ve become proficient at the truncated social work visit. I have my “friendly yet compassionate and very trustworthy” social work face that gets a speedy rapport built. Then, just like that, we are into the business end of what needs to get done. Control of the time frame is primarily mine.
(This shouldn’t be confused with my “call me Ma’am one more time and I will reach over and rip out your throat” face. That one also gets me down to business without extensive preliminaries but with a different outcome.)
Hospice is actually a reasonable fit for me. Most types of clinical providers don’t have a good grasp on what social work does so I’m left to do my thing without micro-management. And, unlike the other providers, I’m not expected to touch anyone or anything I deem unsanitary.
I see my folks on a flexible schedule, do some handholding, some education and some concrete resource acquisition. The patient and family have some benefit, I feel useful and then I chart at home in pajamas. Perfect!
So the “Job We Will Wait and See” was presented in a similar manner but with the expectation of keeping the frequent fliers out of the emergency room. (What a concept! Give the folks with multiple health issues and poor resources a field case manager to find alternatives to the emergency room. I’m actually surprised more insurance companies aren’t doing this.) A great job that I can do in my sleep, (or at least in pajamas from home.) Yes?
HA! That’s right, I made an exclamation of objection! Five very, very, oh so very long days of verbatim readings of Power Point presentations. My finest “that is so very interesting, please tell me more” face deteriorated in to my “I could be paying attention or possibly having a small seizure” face.
And I still have no idea what the real (as opposed to the written) expectations are. As you probably know, written and real are generally on opposite ends of the spectrum. And frankly, the written expectations are as likely as me becoming a swimsuit model.
So the positive aspect? (I mean beyond actually having a pay check and benefits and joining the corporate workforce?) I am returning with clearly documented instructions and flow charts for every policy, procedure, assessment, follow up, item of apparel, office accoutrement and computer tab I would ever consider using. I am set!
However, I think I have used up my allotment of paying attention ability for the rest of the year. Here is hoping I have some entertaining patients.

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