Monday, January 21, 2013

The Nudie Scanners

As you know, I am planning the start of “The Job Fantastic!” (that is the official job title) by getting things set up to go to Florida for a week of training. That, coupled with my innate irritation at the TSA, made me interested in a recent news release.
“The Transportation Security Administration reports that the so called naked image scanners will be gone by June. The generic outline scanners will stay.”
Is it safe to assume that no one, in the entire TSA Ship of Fools administration, could have possibly foreseen that the American public might object to having nude photographic images taken of them? (We all can’t be Pamela Anderson.)
Yes, yes. We were assured that these images were viewed by someone in another area (and this is helpful because . . . why again is this helpful?) And that these images were never, ever saved (or downloaded and printed and posted in the TSA break room or emailed to cousin Bob with some hilarious title.) And, while we are at it, that J. Edgar Hoover was not a megalomaniac running the FBI for his personal benefit.
So how many scanners are we talking about and, more importantly how much money did senator pick-any-of-them, arrange for the government to pay the company with the most expensive campaign donation program, to provide our country with this fine and outstanding equipment? (I seriously should have learned proper sentence structure somewhere back in 6th grade.)
“174 are currently in use and 76 are in storage.” “The TSA has already spent $80 million . . . which includes $73 million the agency received from the stimulus bill (TARP).”
Oh, what a relief. I thought it would be a ridiculous amount of money. (The military is doing a little head shake and chuckle. “Silly TSA! We couldn’t fuel a bomber for that amount.”)
So, when the TSA Ship of Fools realized the nudie scanners were at issue how did they react? Surly with swift and reasonable planning! Well not really. They quietly moved them from the larger airports, where a terrorist threat might have actually have occurred, to the smaller airports where granted, terrorist were unlikely to take over the flight from Tulsa to Albuquerque but the public was also less likely to gripe.
However, not to worry, because the TSA plans to sell the scanners to the prison system or the military where “privacy is not a concern” and where senator pick-any-of-them, ne’er do well son, pick-any-of-them jr., will be able to upgrade his privately owned but government subsidized prison monopoly.
In protest, I plan to bring 3 pairs of nail clippers in my purse and wear really stinky shoes.

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