Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Shotgun Wedding

I grew up in a household that hated dogs, Republicans, camping and guns AND my parents were active Mormon. I know! How that all came to be is still mindboggling. Anyway here are my three family gun stories.
“I have a very strict gun control policy: if there's a gun around, I want to be in control of it.” Clint Eastwood. When I got married I was very, very pregnant. (To all you judgers out there . . . actually, go ahead. What do I care?) I got married in the Park City court house which also housed the police department. My dad, thinking he was hilarious (recall the “zit” license plate) carried around an unloaded shotgun. The police said it was the best wedding they had ever seen. Way to entertain the police dad!
“I've heard it said that God made all men, but Samuel Colt made all men equal. We will see what Mr. Colt could do for women kind.” Cherie Priest. Half of my family has moved to Arizona and occasionally my brother tries to talk my mom into moving too. She refuses to consider it for various reasons. However, she called me the other day to say that now she could absolutely never move to Arizona. Why? Because she would miss her other kids? No. Because it’s very dry and dusty and she is sure there will be a drought? No. Because Satan controls our summer weather? No. Because Arizona passed legislation making it easier to purchase a handgun. Hmmmm. I’m pretty sure, anywhere in the nation, the scum with handguns didn’t go through any official purchasing venue.
“A lot of the people who keep a gun at home for safety are the same ones who refuse to wear a seat belt” George Carlin. When my dad was a teen, he carried a little pistol in his glove box. One day he was driving and his friend started to mess around with the gun. My dad ended up getting shot in the head. Miraculously, the bullet veered under his skin around to the back of his head instead of puncturing his skull. I would say there are some good reasons to be wary of guns and of the intellectually changed portion of the population who tend to gravitate towards them.

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