Saturday, June 25, 2016

Irish Hair

A few bits from Dylan Moran, who does drops the F bomb and other bombs and who is hilarious. 


You're not really an adult at all. You're just a tall child holding a beer, having a conversation you don't understand. 


If you're getting very adventurous, you will think "TONIGHT, we will eat something that has two colours in it!" 


Roman Catholicism seems to be a hysterical panic over the inevitability of Death. "Quick! Death is coming! Put on the big hat and the gold dress!"


On listening to BBC radio 4: There's a guy, John Humphries, who does a lot of the interviews, and he sounds like he's been up since about midnight jogging on the spot to accuse people you've never heard of of lying.  . . . "DON'T LIE TO ME!! DON'T LIE TO ME! I'VE BEEN DOING THIS FOR 45 YEARS, WHAT DO YOU THINK I AM, A FUCKIN TURNIP?!" 


I think that women just have a primeval instinct to make soup, which they will try to foist on anybody who looks like a likely candidate.


The truth is that women are like chick peas under a psychopath's hat. They can be cherishable and zingy and suprising. But you ask too many questions and you get killed.


You should stay away from your potential. . . . You’ll mess it up! It’s potential, leave it! And anyway, it’s like your bank balance, you know: you always have much less than you think. . . . You don't want to find out that the most you could possibly achieve, if you gave it your all, if you harvested every screed of energy within you, and devoted yourself to improving yourself, that all you would get to, would be maybe eating less cheesy snacks.


When [men are] born, you have a finger up your nose, the other hand on your dick, and you get taller. And that is really it.


Days are stupid length. They are just long enough to get regret and then you have to go to bed.


Children are very overprotected now . . . "Don't go outside! Or inside! Get into the cupboard with some spinach!" When I was a child they'd kick you out and you weren't expected to come back until there were bats!


Farmers aren’t really people, you know this. They’re just necessary, we need somebody to kill cows.


Children are actually very sophisticated. They sleep in your bed for a reason. The child is born, it takes a look around, and thinks "Well this isn't quite what I'd hoped for. All these people are idiots. I wouldn't've have painted the house like this at all. But I've got to make the best of it. I've got to maximize my resources. So the key thing is to stop these people from having any more children."


Fruit... it's just God showing off. "Look at all the colours I know!"


[My hair has] its own bioculture, I just leave it alone. We sleep in separate rooms. 




No comments :