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Wednesday, March 9, 2016

Location of Goods and Services


There is an unusual location of goods and services on the road by my house that leads to the freeway. See if you can spot it.

After a right turn off of the feeder street:


L Side of the Road: Closed Gas Station

R Side of the Road: Pizza Hut

L Side: big Morton Salt complex

R Side: pile o' dirt

L Side: more Morton Salt complex (or possibly a secretive government program camouflaged as the Morton Salt Girl)


R Side: trailer park

L Side: several lots of dirt, cactus and either short trees or overgrown bushes

R Side: boat repair, RV repair and a little Baptist Church

L Side: Dirt 101 (recycling center accepting cement and rocks)

R Side: yellow school bus with large vinyl advertisement for day care and for sale sign indicating, I'm guessing, a parcel of dirt, cactus and either short trees or overgrown bushes.


Considering Kim Kardashian's latest photos, that may be more lucrative than originally assumed. (Kim isn't naked in this particular photo. See the one below.)


L Side: more big piles o' dirt and a dried river bed

R Side: several lots of dirt, cactus and either short trees or overgrown bushes and a dried river bed

L Side: Landfill

R Side: 2 story, relatively new, gentlemen's club with enormous neon sign, luxury touring bus with full vehicle wrap advertisement and billboard in front of parking lot leading to a series of billboards marking the procession to the onramp.

The billboards tend to promote such things as:


Liposuction, Child Safety Seats, Mattress Stores, Divorce Attorneys and God . . . lots and lots of God promotion. 

L Side: dirt, dirt, cactus and Regional Public Safety Training Center

R Side: dirt, cactus, dirt, dirt   

L Side: DMV vehicle inspection station

R Side: entrance to small aviation center

L Side: dirt, dirt, cactus, dried river bed, dirt, cactus, dirt, small hospital and gas station

R Side: dirt, dirt, cactus, dried river bed, dirt, cactus, dirt and freeway entrance


Did you spot the aberration of location?
Punctuated by proximity of billboard ads similar to these:


Referring to the establishment in question's web site:



Going the extra mile in expense to please your needs and wants.

(Needs? Really? Unless a prospective farmer, looking to purchase a parcel of dirt and cacti becomes stranded and required rescue in the luxury touring bus, I'm unsure of what other "needs" can be met.)


7,000+ square foot showclub with the tallest poles in the valley reaching 30 ft high.

(Perhaps it is my lack of pole dance observation, but I'm not seeing the benefit 30 feet of pole.)


Open daily from 11:00 am to 2:00 am with no cover until 6:00 PM and no cover for Military, Law or Fire everyday.  

(Oh! Perhaps the "Fire" the appeal of the 30 foot pole.) 


Having no experience with strip clubs, I turned to the site of all wisdom, (yeah you know the one) evidently 14 years ago the U.S. strip club industry was worth an estimated $3.1 billion.


The global strip club industry was worth an estimated $75 billion.


But only $3.1 billion in the US? 


Looking up the net worth of Larry Flynt ($400 Million) and Hugh Hefner ($43 million), I'm surprised.

Either sex doesn't sell as well as we have been led to believe or more likely income and options are not exactly in the above board, countable, taxable and Wikipedia realm. 


Which leads to another question. Why are the the numbers 14 years old? How many generations of strippers have (hopefully) moved onto other vocations in the past 14 years?


There is no way that the county, state and federal entities charged with the regulation of business income, the sale of alcohol, food services, public health and g-strings are 14 years behind in monitoring, implementing and collecting fines.


After an expanded search . . . 
because you know I want to thorough . . . 


The US is the proud purveyor of over 5,000 strip clubs, double the amount of clubs 12 years ago, and Americans spend more at strip clubs than they do on ballet, opera, and classical concerts combined. 



A really great article in Priceonomics has one last surprise. 

After some ingenious research, Priceconomics reported strip clubs per city as:

Houston, TX 65
Portland, OR 54
Los Angeles, CA 52
New York City, NY 48
Las Vegas, NV 34
Philadelphia, PA 33
Detroit, MI 32
Phoenix, AZ 31
Atlanta, GA 30
Tampa, FL 28 


It isn't what I would have guessed and Portland? Oregon!?! Liberal bastion of environmentally conscious and equality promoting people without need of outlet for sexual repression?

Or possibly a misconception on my part.


Adjusted on a per capita basis,  Portland is clearly the strippiest winner.


Just for comparison’s sake, Portland has more than twice as many strip clubs as it has public restrooms.

In contrast, San Francisco, which is only a third of the size of Portland, has four times more public restrooms than strip clubs.


The reasons for strip club nirvana is a warning to conservative politicians everywhere. 

Oregonians have the right to free expression of opinion . . . on any subject whatever.” 

"Appearing nude . . . in public, can constitute symbolic conduct and be a form of expression." 

In addition, "a club cannot be denied access to a location solely by the nature of its sexual content."

See what happens when you start giving people rights!?!


However, the best bit is a comment from the owner of Casa Diablo, the “world’s first vegan gentleman’s club.” 


Here, customers can enjoy a hummus veggie wrap while watching performers shed their non-animal-based g-strings and in a fashion only befit for Portland, change is given solely in $2 bills. 


"You're not going to find any fur, feathers, wool, or silk, or any other animal products,” owner Johnny Diablo Zukle has said. “We're all about love and compassion.”


Evidently sex (and knowing your audience) does sell.







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