Thursday, December 25, 2014

The Best Gift

After, once again, swearing that I would not, 

under any circumstances 

Do you hear me Santa? 

Any circumstances! 

spend a ridiculous amount of money on Christmas . . . . 

I spent a ridiculous amount of money on Christmas. 

But that isn’t the best part. 

The best part is, 

on Christmas, 

I will hang out with my puppies, 

perhaps turn on the Christmas lights, 

eat an enormous amount of sugar

mixed with butter,

miss my kids, 

like how only parent without their kids 
on Christmas miss their kids, 

and plot global destruction. 

Perhaps selective global destruction.

It won’t be pleasant. 

In my continued campaign against our capitalist overlords and to counter my hypocritical spending, 

I’m stealing from several lists of little cost and no cost gifts. 

The list is up next. 

I promise. 

This year, 

as a gift to humanity, 

and especially my family, 

before I destroy the globe, 

I am giving everyone the gift of my absence. 

I know! And you are welcome!! 

However, I know it is too late to NOT buy stuff this Christmas, 

but you will remember this list next year 

and have to search for it, 

in the post global destruction. 

Merry Christmas.

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