Tuesday, December 16, 2014

Cynic


What is more cheerful than a cynic at Christmas? Not much. I'm in high demand this time of year. 


Want to know the one Christmas activity I'm not cynical about? My sister's Christmas charity, the Winter Foundation.


A short clip of her in the final rush, trying to get Christmas out for an enormous amount of kids. 

https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=595318063901761&set=vb.436663519767217&type=2&theater



Nothing's as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas.
- Kin Hubbard



My wife, like many women, actually LIKES wrapping things. If she gives you a gift that requires batteries, she wraps the batteries separately, which to me is very close to being a symptom of mental illness.
- Dave Barry


I haven’t taken my Christmas lights down. They look so nice on the pumpkin.
- Winston Spear



Christmas sweaters are only acceptable as a cry for help.
- Andy Borowitz




Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.
- Dave Barry




Christmas is a state of mind and that special feeling that only comes with an empty bank account.
- Melanie White


Keep your friends close, your enemies closer, and receipts for all major purchases.
- Bridger Winegar


Aren’t we forgetting the true meaning of this day - the birth of Santa?
- Bart Simpson (Matt Groening)


Christmas is a baby shower that went totally overboard.
- Andy Borowitz


From a commercial point of view, if Christmas did not exist it would be necessary to invent it. - Katharine Whitehorn, Roundabout


Christmas is a time when you get homesick, even when you’re home.
- Carol Nelson



I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph. - Shirley Temple




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