Monday, March 3, 2014

Pinterest - Geriatric Electronics

I have a theory 
(and I'm guessing you might have a similar theory.) 
There is a secretly installed program 
on all digital electronics.  

Any activity that indicates a human overlord 
is running late
and BAM!
It reverts to Granny processing speed.

Then, the activity on my end accelerates to a frantic pace. 

Where are the black shoes? Not in this area. Grab the Keds.  
Poke the startup screen.
The shirt doesn't work with the Keds. Swap it out. 
Poke the startup screen.
Pull out makeup and the mascara wand slips and rolls down the shirt. 
Shirt number three on deck. 
Poke the startup screen and add profanity through gritted teeth.
Finally clothes on, makeup on, glasses located.
Jewelry? Scarf? 
Inner dialoge: Jewelry, scarf, hair up, hair down - won't be relevant if I'm unemployed.  Just get out the door. 
One more screen poke and the start up bar freezes all together.

Initial GPS prototype

Laptop abandoned. Car on the road. 
But in a final act of malice, the laptop reprograms my GPS 
and I spend the rest of the day 
re-entering coordinates and re-booting the system. 

I'm blaming Vladimir Putin.  
I think this is his first step in a world domination power play. 

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