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Thursday, March 13, 2014

Penguin & Pullovers

While rummaging on the internet I came across penguin sweaters. 

Not that kind.

This kind of penguin sweater. (Actually Little Blue Fairy Penguin sweaters because Emperor Penguin sweaters would be like dressing a ten year old. Not to mention that they are located in Antarctica and funding for a sweater delivery isn’t realistic.) 

What’s not to love? First, there are penguins!

And not just any penguins.  We are talking tiny, miniature, fit in your pocket and cary one around, penguins. How can you look at a penguin that has names like Blue, Fairy and Little and not find them charming? Can’t be done. 

And second, tiny sweaters! It overloads your so-cute-capacity. 

And third, its for an excellent cause!

If these little guys get oil of their feathers, even a spot as small as a quarter, they die.  The oil clumps the fathers together and the penguins loose ability to regulate their temperature and the clumps hinder swimming. The penguins also try to preen the oil off and then die from oil consumption. 

So tiny sweaters keep them warm and prevent preening until they can get the oil removed.  

453 were rescued during the biggest oil spill in the area and 96% were saved. 

Try not to worry too much about this cutting into Big Oil profits. The Bushy Boys and the Koch Brothers will muddle through somehow. 

BP, Chevron, Conoco Phillips, Exxon Mobile and Shell make $375 MILLION PER DAY, they received $6.6 MILLION in federal tax breaks PER DAY, the spent HALF a MILLION PER DAY lobbying elected officials and, in return the Congress averaged one anti-environment vote PER DAY. 

“Don’t believe what you hear about those penguins. A species of lazy waddlers. Their extinction is immanent.” Benson Bruno 

Not to exclude other penguins sans oil spill and sweaters, the penguins in Antarctica also have a unique intervention.

In Antarctica, there has been some penguin kicking. Penguins living at the South Pole haven’t experienced the evolutionary benefit of staying away from humans. They tend to rummage through equipment and hang out underfoot. 

After watching his mom accidentally kick a toy penguin, her cute son made a  penguin treatment rule and his Aunt posted it on the web. It was picked up in the penguin homeland and became official policy. 

“I have often had the impression that, to penguins, man is just another penguin - different, less predictable, occasionally violent, but tolerable company when he sits still and minds his own business.” Bernard Storehouse

Now lets talk about elephant pants. . . 

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