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Saturday, November 23, 2013

Wake up and smell them Berries

All of the field jobs I’ve had required some kind of rapid communicative ability with the office.  I started with the pagers and a scramble to find a public phone. Then the progression to the enormous cell phone that were capable of receiving a call (occasionally) and sending a call (occasionally.)

With modern-ish technology, the overwhelming winner of company phone choice is the Blackberry.  I’m generally blackberry neutral, until . .. (dramatic music and pause for effect) this time around.  My BB will drop calls mid-conversation and sometimes up to five times in one call. So my establishment as a competent professional is already circling the drain.   

Then, if it does condescend to allow a call to continue, it will start doing that weird echo making it impossible to understand.  If I take it off speaker and hold it close to my face, it will do a circle dial kind of thing, dialing the same number multiple times. If I leave it on speaker, then I’m back to static and non-intelligible mumblings on both sides. 

It also does the purse dial, the pocket dial, the sitting on the passenger seat of the car, touching nothing but fire retardant fabric dial and the late at night lounging on the dresser dial. 

 Now and then, it will decide that English is its second language and it typically defaults to French.  Fortunately for me, the change in Native Tongue doesn’t occur all that often and when it does, it primarily makes spell check impossible. (It’s somewhat challenging to get back into the Language default when all the prompts are in a language I don’t understand

The latest odd bit of BB manipulation is all the names in my contacts are now either “Christy” or “Melissa” so it is a little like dialing with the roulette wheel.  “Hello.  Is this someone I want to talk to?” (I guess that is less creepy than everyone becoming "Barbie." I would be pretty sure who was sneaking in and taking some selfies.) 

My theory? Blackberries have achieved artificial intelligence and self-awareness.  They are just messing with us until they start the ultimate robot war. 

Or aliens have hijacked our technology.  They are just messing with us until they start the ultimate galactic war. 

Or, if you aren’t buying either of those, our Government has accessed all forms of electronic communication.  They are just messing with us until they roll out the ultimate, all-encompassing Government oppression program.


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