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Saturday, September 14, 2013

Dadhood Ranking


Full Disclosure: There is definitely a mommydom ranking and I’m nowhere near the top.  I’m swimming in the adequate range and hoping my girls have either a better propensity for the maternal or are geniuses at detecting parenting excellence in a future mate.



Dadhood Ranking:

“Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-rope.” Bill Cosby



Some guys just have this Mojo Dad thing going on. They are born with their dad skills set to genius and not only are they dad extraordinaire to their own offspring, the dadhood also extends to kids in the vicinity. A Mojo Dad on the block and the kid success rates jumps.
 “My father didn’t tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it.” Clarence B Kelland





Next up are the In It To Win It Dads.  The guys who panic for at least nine months and at most other developmental events, but they rise to the challenge.  They are in there, making mistakes but also having moments of brilliance. 
“A grown man is so secure with himself he will go flip burgers to make sure his baby can eat.” Medea




Oblivion Dad is one step down. He brings home some bacon, occasionally fixes stuff and plays a lot of X box.   He is aware that there are short people living in his house and that he is in some way financially obligated to care for them.  However, who they are and what other requirement they may have of him are beyond his area of focus.
“Father should be neither seen nor heard. That is the only proper basis for family life.”  Oscar Wilde


Which brings us to Extravaganza Dad. He is the dad that bailed and compensates with the drive by spectaculars.  “Mom! Dad says we are going to go camping and it will make the stupid scout camp look like someone’s backyard.” “Mom! Dad says for my birthday, he’s going to let me drive the Corvette as fast as I want to.” “Mom! Dad says his friend knows a guy who knows Justin Bieber and I get to meet him!”

“I think that if you walk through this life and I end up being a bad father, then it won’t matter anything else I achieved in my life. It will be irrelevant.”  Ethan Hawke  



Another decline in Dadhood and we’re hitting Prolific Man who doesn’t get the dad title.  These are they guys that desperately needed a hit of high level radiation focused on their junk. And ladies, what the hell is wrong with you!?! If the guy has so many kids that he can remember their names, it isn’t a glowing recommendation for further pregnancy making activities.

“It is easier for a father to have children than for children to have a real father.” Pope John XXIII



Sad to say, but this is not the bottom rung of the Dadhood ladder but I’m walking away here. 

“You need a license to buy a dog, to drive a car – hell, you even need a license to catch a fish.  But they’ll let any asshole be a father.”  Parenthood


I do want to get give a special shout out to the No-Dads.  These are the ones that said, “Why, I don’t think I would be good at that,” and so they didn’t.  “I’m a better parent than half of the parents out there, and I don’t have any kids.” Karry, Radio from Hell DJ

1 comment :

Anonymous said...

Love love love that parenthood quote. J