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Monday, July 1, 2013

Turnips



Want to know what makes me nuts? (Oh please do tell!)


My latest crusade with demonic cell phones that refuse to remain on a call for more than 1.28 minutes? (This is especially fortuitous when I am calling as a clinical professional.)


Solicitors, specifically the herd of “teens” who are dropped off in suburbia by the van load and who want me to help them win a trip to some exotic locale?  Really? Well first, I have no idea who will actually benefit from my purchase of stuff I don’t want, but I’m pretty damn sure no one from this group is getting on a plane to Florence.  Second, if you want to fund a sightseeing adventure then do what the rest of do and get a real job and participate in FICA. And third, do I come to your lower income apartment and ask you to buy crap so I can win a new toaster oven? I didn’t think so.


The existence of the unholy trinity on American soil? (The participants being Dick Cheney, Pat Robertson and Paris Hilton. Trust me – it’s all connected.)


Well yes, all of the above are true, but I’m focused on something else today. 


Evidently there is a correlation between my girls achieving the title of “teen” and the assumption that I have the IQ of a turnip. 

 
I would like to say, in my defense, that I have spent many a year engaged in successful activities such as driving, checking out books at the public library and balancing my checkbook.  Somehow I muddled through without the constructive criticism of a 13 year old.  
 So, I’m thinking I need to implement a little quiz before my offspring can qualify as passengers in a vehicle I am driving.

Which one of the following is acceptable?


Mom! You are driving too fast.  Did you know where we are going? You need to get gas. Put both hands on the wheel.  This isn’t the way we usually go. Do you have your license, wallet and insurance card with you?


Mom! You are a remarkable driver and you obviously need no help with navigation.  I will sit silently and admire your skill.

 

 

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