Monday, March 4, 2013

The Real Estate God

So, as you know, because these aspects of my life are so very interesting and you have been diligently following my posts, I have been looking for a house. And by looking I mean an energetic compiling of options and making my real estate agent and mortgage broker nuts.  So here are my issues (aside from general crabbiness and a complete loathing of moving my crap.)

Issue one -  I need to find something pronto.  The one I’m in has several offers on it and even though it is a short sale, meaning the boardroom boys will have a drawn out, number crunching yes / no session, eventually the sheriff will come, words will be exchanged, and locks will be changed. 

Issue one counter – While moving once is not optional, moving twice will push me beyond reason.  Therefore in pronto search mode, I better find the one I’m going to attach to like a mollusk. Furthermore, the market has taken a crazy turn up. (I couldn’t have fate arrange a move at the middle of the down turn when I could wander aimlessly and price shop.)  So anything decent is snatched up in less than a week.  It’s a haul buns market and I’m a think it over buyer.

Issue two – I down sized when I moved.  Family of five to a family of two. The question is, who will end up with me by fall? The 13 year old, so that’s one, and me because I am gainfully employed and the only one in a position to pay for stuff, so that’s two. Other than that everything is sitting in the great swamp of ambiguity. 

Issue two counter - I love my dogs and they love me, except in the months from June to September.  Then they plot my death. (I’ve seen the schematics.) They say, “Mother, we are Swiss.  We are meant to go shulshing in the snow and sliding on the ice and, if you will notice, for two entire months the temperature is over 110 degrees.” So one of the house requirements involves a magical dog run, connected to a cool location by a worm hole.

Dogs aside, I also have two teen daughters.  One will be a freshman at ASU, and while she is determined to live in the dorm, I’m hoping she will condescend to an occasional drop in.  After all I have a washer dryer and a pantry.  Pretty big incentive right?  

The other one isn’t sure if she wants to move up for her senior year and / or stay with me for her first year in college or throw her hands up and move to Japan to teach English.  It is a hard decision and I sympathize. So I don’t want to go for the 900 square foot bungalow and end up with a tent city in the back yard.

Issue three – funding of this project.  Isn’t amazing how having enough money, not even a 1% abundance with a fleet of private jets, but enough to pay for crap, makes life so much easier?  Well my funding has a little resistance issue and seems to turn off rather quickly and on rather slowly. So funding on, no problem, forgo the trailer park and look for something with a foundation and the ability to withstand strong winds.  Funding off and well, remember the sheriff from issue one?

Last week I found the perfect house.  Perfect! Five bedrooms including one on a separate level with its own bath, Everything upgraded, cherry cabinets, granite counters, high end fixtures, wood floors. Big yard, fenced pool and a large dog run that – ta da – went into the garage which was air-conditioned! And it was in the right school district.

What did I do? I passed because it was at the very top end of my budget and I couldn’t see getting that big of a house based on contingent occupancy. Then my real estate agent and my loan broker, along with the dogs, started plotting my death. 

Here is my improved plan, and it is a great plan, hope that a miracle performed by the Real Estate God will happen in the next week.  I’m sure this plan has been successfully implemented by many a home buyer.  

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