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Friday, December 7, 2012

Romeo and Juliet and Sparkly Vampires

Taken together, these two stories prove tween titillation and stupidity have been around for ages. To illustrate my point, we read Romeo and Juliet in 9th grade and my friend cried for three days. Three days crying in the hall, the bathroom and the back of class!
So how about Romeo and Juliet versus Edward, Jacob and Bella? That would be awesome! The sparkling Mantagues versus the tight wearing Blacks. It could work and did I mention the tights that the werewolves would wear and that they are tight? Soliloquies interspersed with vampires and werewolves jumping and running and posturing with lots of “forsakes” and “cursedness” and “smoting.” There could even be a cat fight between Bella and Juliet over some wacky mistaken identity. Shakespeare likes that madcap type of stuff.
Oh look, ten minutes into this and I’ve already spiced up Shakespeare for the masses and elevated Twilight to a Shakespearean classic.
"For never was a story of more woe. Than this of Juliet and her Romeo." - William Shakespeare
Unless it’s a story about Shakespeare, Twilight, Star Trek and Harry Potter, a long long time ago and in a galaxy far far away! Kirk must annihilate Voldemort in a hand to hand combat extravaganza. Through a series of unfortunate events, a tights-wearing Jacob lashes out at Tybalt and rips his face off starting an intergalactic incident. Bella falls for Harry and Juliet runs off with Spock. Awesome! You would pay to see that, wouldn’t you?

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