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Friday, December 28, 2012

Fluent in Mumbling

When the oldest kid got braces, her pronunciation immediately plummeted. Since then, she is progressively less able and willing to engage in enunciation and, frankly, it makes me In-Freaking-Sane. (And believe me, In-Freaking-Sane was said with some fabulous elocution!) Trying to talk to her on the phone is an exercise in futility which starts with, “Honey, what did you say?” “Mumble, mumble, mumble, apricot, mumble, mumble, Uruguay, mumble, mumble, vacuum.” “Please speak English.” “Mumble, Grandma, mumble, mumble, union, mumble, thirty eight.” It ends with either “Ok. Love you, bye.” And the hope that she has not joined a cult or been tattooed. Or it ends with, “Not a clue, so text me if you are in mortal peril.”
This may be a masterful plan on her part. By making only a small portion of what she says intelligible, she generally gets an off handed agreement on my part and therefore subverts the automatic parental response of no!
I hope, by the time I require subtitles for all verbal interactions, there will some fabulous personal display system that scrolls across my retina.

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